Leave the light on, will you?

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entries

mama i love you

Monday, December 7, 2009 @ 12/07/2009 10:06:00 PM

Mama's moving to another division for work. And I am speechless. I mean, okay. There may be times when I feel annoyed with my mom but come on! One whole year (or maybe more. or less.) without my mom is like Paris Hilton without Tinkerbell.

err okaaay that was unexpected.

And my mom asked "Do you want to follow me there? We'll find a nice school for you, a nice place to stay and we can live together!" And I was like "Ma, i can't follow you there! My life is here. My entire life is in Kuching! I'm not gonna throw my life away!"

Don't get me wrong. I love my mom dearly but I'm not gonna destroy everything which i have tried so hard to achieve for the past 15 years of my life. And what about my dad? Even if I move together with my mom, my dad can't follow us. There's his job to think about. Well I'm torn between two. But like I said, my life is here. My friends are here. I grew up here. I'll stay in Kuching, thank you very much.

I'm gonna miss my mom. Really, i will.

And with my mom going away, my whole life has turned around as well. Like all those stuffs/places I've been doing/going to with my mom, I won't be doing that anymore.

So it is down to me and my dad and the cat. (Bro's already away for his studies so it doesn't really make a difference haha! but i'll still miss him)

On the bright side though, my parents gave me the freedom to choose whether i would like to stop my piano lessons. ahahah!! but alang-alang bah. Grade 7. hmm. we'll see.

Will be going to KL this Wednesday. finally, after months of waiting for this. see yaaaa

What was I thinking??!!

Thursday, December 3, 2009 @ 12/03/2009 04:12:00 PM

I was reading my past entries from my blog and I was like "dammit martha were you that stupid?!"

Especially the ones in 07 and early 08. I literally wanna choke myself to death.

Wait till I read my past diaries.

If I were ever gonna be in jail for some sort of offenses I've committed, reading my diary would be a far better punishment than to be put in the electric chair.

No wonder they called me rasa best last time. thank you. thank you for opening my eyes.

blender, my love

@ 12/03/2009 02:22:00 PM

I'm feel so sakai cuz I can finally open my own durian! hahahaa

I made pasta this morning! And instead of putting chicken in it, I used pork. And you do know that no matter what meat you used, it has to be either chopped into small pieces or crushed, whatever you call it since i don't know the correct term, and I had this large chunk of meat. I was lazy bah so I threw it in the blender and off it went! So cool lah! The blender was like : "Ngennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg clok clok clok clok ngeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng tuuuuuuuuuk *silence*

I was panicking like hell but apparently the meat got stuck at the blades so it can't turn like normal.

I thought I was going to get into trouble.

The blender is so useful. <3

the speakers are fine now, btw.

hurh.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009 @ 12/02/2009 03:37:00 PM

hey i got the computer back! haha i'm so excited
i still have to reinstall all the other stuffs though.

But the downside is that something's wrong with the speaker so I can't hear anything. I won't complain cuz I'm still in a shock because the computer is finally okay (considering that this baby got a fake recovery right after Dad plugged the computer in, the computer rosak again so yeah.)

Updates, updates.

Cooking has been a great joy to me these past few days and it is a really great therapy for the heart broken who are trying to move on. ahahahhaha. i sound so miserable.

I don't know whether this is just me as I've been pretty messed up lately but I'm really scared of this person who lives near me. Seriously man, he's like a freakin stalker. It doesn't help that he's constantly reminding me that he can see me from a distance and being a busybody by asking where i'm heading to, what i'm having for dinner, when i go to bed, etc you get my drift. At times like this, I really wish my dad was in the Mafia and my mom has pepper spray producing company and yes, despite how stupid this sounds, i wish I didn't quit my taekwondo class when I was in primary school. Lord, save me. Thank GOD my antivirus app in my phone enables me to block out his number. Aman lah sikit.

Family vacation is coming up, Christmas is coming up, New Year is coming up, PMR RESULTS ARE GOING OUT. As much as I wanna know what I got, I don't want the day to come.

Not too long now. Can't wait.

Thursday, November 26, 2009 @ 11/26/2009 12:16:00 AM

BEFORE I GO TO BED. AND TO ADD TO THE MISERIES I'M GOING THROUGH, MY DIGI VALIDITY PERIOD HAS JUST EXPIRED. DUDE COME ON, ARE YOU TRYING TO CUT ME OFF FROM THE WORLD? GOODNIGHT. OR GOODMORNING. WHICHEVER YOU PREFER.

maybe i should just-- gah. Nevermind.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009 @ 11/25/2009 11:56:00 PM

IT'S NEARLY MIDNIGHT AND I'M FEELING EMO ISH ALL OF A SUDDEN. DON'T ASK WHY I'M TYPING IN UPPERCASE. THE COMPUTER'S BROKEN SO MY PHONE WAS MY LAST -AND ONLY- RESORT. I CAN'T EXACTLY SEE WHAT I'M TYPING RIGHT NOW. I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING ON THE TEXT SCREEN ON MY PHONE SO YEAH. I WANT THE COMPUTER BACK. WE JUST GOT THE COMPUTER BACK FROM THE SHOP LAST TWO DAYS AND IT HASN'T EVEN PASSED 24 HOURS AND IT BROKE AGAIN. OFF IT WENT TO THE SHOP ONCE MORE. GARH. 2 WEEKS MORE BEBEH. 2 WEEKS MORE. I NEED THAT VACATION. SERIOUSLY, I DO.

I'm bac-- *cracks* ouch.

Monday, November 16, 2009 @ 11/16/2009 10:06:00 AM

I'm back with sore legs and my shoulders are screaming in agony. Not to mention other body parts. Haha. I guess this is part of camp.

I don't feel like uploading the pictures for camp. haha

Band Camp, yay

Friday, November 13, 2009 @ 11/13/2009 07:01:00 AM

I'll be leaving for Band Camp in a few hours but I'm not done with my packing yet.

HAIH. Let's see if I can survive throughout the camp without any injuries or "disturbances" if you know what I mean.

Woo go Strawberry Ice Cream!

I'll be back on Sunday evening, skipping my piano class AND I won't be going for the morning mass. NOOOOOO.

But I'm in the Single mode so nevermind lah.

Aduh. Sakit perut lah pulak.

3A1, <3

Friday, November 6, 2009 @ 11/06/2009 07:53:00 AM

Class dinner last night. Venue: Banquet.

3A1, I will miss you. Hopefully we'll be in the same class again next year. I LOVE YOU!

the rest of the pictures will be up in facebook soon. (sharon, ahem)

...

@ 11/06/2009 07:23:00 AM

I don't get it. I know that Kuching is a small place but why, why, WHY (i love you very bage hahaha kampung love. eh it's that how you spell it?) must BOTH of you be there? I don't mind dinosaur cuz he memang jahat and i don't care about him anymore but why YOU??

634, 157 people in Kuching, and you just magically happened to be there?

I know what I said. I said that I'm a strong and independent woman and I don't need a man by my side (for now) and that I'll look straight ahead, never to look back and move on.

But you how much you've been trying to forget someone but when you see him, you suddenly realize that all these while you've been actually lying to yourself? And I hate myself for that.

Do you know that feeling of anger inside of you when you can't let that anger out and tears just roll down from your cheeks?

That explains how angry I am.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009 @ 11/04/2009 02:51:00 PM

I hate post PMR.

there. i've updated.

Sunday, November 1, 2009 @ 11/01/2009 08:18:00 PM

credits to picnik.com

ya think ya can beat me huh?! huh?! HUH?!!!

Friday, October 23, 2009 @ 10/23/2009 07:52:00 PM

I'm a rebel. I punch into walls, slam the doors, break glass and throw pencils across the room.

I fight like a man. Like a REAL man.

DON'T pick on me just because I never reply back to your insults and criticism. I CAN punch you in the face, slam down on you and break every single bone in you.

Cuz you know why??

I'm LARGE! I can roll all over you like a roller rolling on beef patty! Might as well use my imperfections on you!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA! I'm POWERFUL!! MIGHTY!!

And I also love the colour pink. (SNSD, boo)

BAM BAM BAM

Thursday, October 22, 2009 @ 10/22/2009 03:43:00 PM

I have a life which explains why i don't go online that often anymore.

Ah okay. I've been spending too much time playing GTA.

It's really fun shooting those helpless people on the street, stealing cars, riding on helicopters and landing in the middle of the road while killing people around me with the blades....

AH. Sadist.

The Big Impact

Monday, October 19, 2009 @ 10/19/2009 07:51:00 PM

Hey guys. I'm sharing this cuz I KNOW that I can make a difference (yerr) in the world aha. If I wanna make the world a better place, i gotta take look at myself in the the mirror and then make that change.

woohoo Michael Jackson!

but seriously though. Watch it.

@ 10/19/2009 09:20:00 AM

things have been pretty rough but hey, i got through it.

told ya i am strong enough.

I'm skipping school today. ahaaha :D

Take me on an airplane across the world

Friday, October 16, 2009 @ 10/16/2009 12:19:00 PM

Things have been pretty bad lately.

Well for me that is. I don't even know what my problem is.

I feel sad. Angry. Abandoned.

I feel like an outcast, a person who doesn't belong, doesn't fit in.

Smiling just doesn't seem right anymore. Plastic. Yeah.

I can't pretend that I'm fine. I can't listen to happy songs. I can't even laugh like i really mean it.

I just want to fly away. To run away from things. To hide from everything.

Running away doesn't help but that's the only thing that I wanna do right now. Crying doesn't help anymore.

I guess that this is just a phase that I'm going through and I hope that it will past.

I'm cutting off all connections. I just need to find my inner self. I need to know what I really want.

And if you're thinking that this is just a way for me to seek pity from everyone, oh ho ho. That's not it. I don't need your "Are you okay?" "You don't seem to be fine," "Oh, poor you,"

I don't need your sympathy.

Just give me some time. I'll return to my normal self when I want to.

I'm sorry.

IT'S OVER, BABY!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009 @ 10/13/2009 10:12:00 AM

PMR is FINALLY over. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

I can FINALLY stay up late and do whatever I want without my parents/people bothering me.

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA.

Results in a few months. ARGH.

Saturday, October 10, 2009 @ 10/10/2009 01:35:00 PM

I have this feeling of guilt right inside of me.

I've not touched my revision books and exercises for two days and History is like my WORST subject.

And I've been saying that I'll get that straight A's.

Somehow, it doesn't feel that way anymore.

i gotta feeling <3

Friday, October 9, 2009 @ 10/09/2009 09:42:00 PM

thankfully, there's youtube to calm myself down.

I am overwhelmed by ecstatic joy.

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I hate introductions.
I'm Martha Mardiana, I'm 15 and I'm hungry.
You don't know who I am so don't think that you do.

hey, I'm a nice person!

I'm a Catwoman. Reow. And I save the world together with my cat. Reow reow.
WOOF!
Now where did that come from?!

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everlastingroses!
xoxo

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