woof?

Let my heart decide

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Martha Mardiana Messina.
M cube? LOL. I am officially 15 (as of 1st April 2009) and I detest spiders. Bring one near me and you'll be sorry. I scream like a banshee when I am afraid. I can't swim, I can barely float.

TALK.

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Saturday, July 18, 2009, 7/18/2009 09:59:00 AM

i could never compete.

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Friday, July 17, 2009, 7/17/2009 03:12:00 PM

so long and goodbye

GAAAAARH
i should stop walking around the house as if the world is a bad place (sebenarnya cari makanan but baru makan maggi mee so yeah)

throats a bit painful and I'm blaming it on the tetanus injection.
Right after the injection, I got all sorts of sickness; cough, nausea etcetc
Seriously. It's like I've been cursed for eternal damnation.

I wanna go out with papa and mama. Don't ask me why. All of a sudden, I'm craving for more family time.
Dad is always working the night shift and returns only in the morning and since I'm in school, I barely see him.
Mom sometimes work overtime so even if I get to see her at home, she'll be really tired and will retire to bed early.

So if I get to see both of them at home, I consider it a blessing.

I've decided on wearing a dress for prefects' night but itupun if I can find one that fits. :(((

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7/17/2009 02:38:00 PM

it's meant to be yellow

It's just so hard to say goodbye.
That's the way is was---is meant to be.

I should have known earlier. The consequences. The aftermath. The risk I've put myself into.
He doesn't know. Doesn't care.

And now I'm gonna face it myself. I hate you.

I hate you for what had happened. For what you have done. For what you have NOT done. For all those false hopes. For all those crushed hearts.

But I can't bring myself to say 'I Hate You' while really meaning to say it.

There's one part of me, struggling to break out of the shell, to search for the brighter part of life.
There's another part of me, refusing to let go, preferring to live in lies and ignore the facts.

It's not such a big deal, i know.

So I guess this is it.

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Wednesday, July 15, 2009, 7/15/2009 09:43:00 PM

Sometimes you think you've gotten over a person but when you see their smile, you realize that all these while, you have been pretending just to ease the pain of knowing that they are not meant to be yours.

And you have been telling yourself over and over again that he's outta your life but when you get a glimpse-just one quick look of that person, you get a stab right in the heart.

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Sunday, July 12, 2009, 7/12/2009 06:39:00 PM

teddies! :))))))

We're having injections tomorrow?
0_0

Mom used my facebook account to chat with bro last night. I was browsing through profiles when I accidentally stopped at a random Indian guy's profile so mom was like "Who's that Indian guy? Maaaaaarthaa..." and she started to show that you-are-so-in-trouble look.

It was scary i tell ya.

So I replied "He's sort of an advertiser for some sort of website. See? He's holding a...bag."

I wasn't sure whether mom bought it but she let the topic drop and happily chatted with my bro while I agonized at the thought that mom would secretly go online and use my account when I am unaware of that.

Save meh.

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Friday, July 10, 2009, 7/10/2009 10:34:00 PM

It was a total failure.
T__T

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7/10/2009 01:04:00 PM

Help me.
I'm scared.
And nervous.
Another hour and a few minutes.

I worry for my scales. And the aural. And the sight reading.

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7/10/2009 01:03:00 PM

KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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Thursday, July 9, 2009, 7/09/2009 07:57:00 PM

tralalalala

OMG OMG OMG OMG

it's tomorrow.

My piano exam is tomorrow.

My 6th Grade piano exam is tomorrow.

OMG OMG OMG.

Wish me luck.

And I'm so dead this Sunday. You'll know why. Catholics will know why. You'll know why when you buy the monthly publication thingy.

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Monday, July 6, 2009, 7/06/2009 06:22:00 PM

When everything comes tumbling down

And once more, the eagle is struck down by a lightning.

It hurts to know the truth. But it hurts more to be living in lies. But then, living in lies makes you oblivious to the truth, thus saving you from being hurt.

But living in lies is a cowardly act to escape from the brutal truth. Runing away doesn't solve anything.

But why? Why me? Why does it always have to end this way?

One thing's for sure. I ain't gonna drop a tear.
I'll just... move on.

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